Friday, October 29, 2010

this is that post....

so, for anyone who might read this little blog, yesterday i almost went off about my emotional/roll-coaster pregnancy self. i could have done a whole post just about that. well, this is it.
i am today 37 weeks and term. so thankful to have made it this far with this little one still content inside (hopefully will remain content). i keep envisioning the day i meet my baby face to face and hear the words, "its a ----"! after waiting this long, the excitement only grows stronger and the surprise so much more real. lately for me, it has been hard to take all this in and realize that soon, i will have my very own little one to hold and love and kiss and squeeze. sometimes, this still doesn't seem real to me. i feel like my mind has been consumed with so many other things (most of the time things that don't matter like wanting my house to be perfect and completely organized before baby comes)that the cycle begins and i get anxious and worried about construction not going right or not being done on time, or the fact that we don't have a washer/dryer hooked up at the moment or the nursery is not completely done and spotless. i seem to take it all out on russ and then give him a billion "to do" things only after he has worked all day everyday. yet, he comes home, looks at his "to do" and immediately starts working hard all over again just to make me happy. then it starts...the meltdown. what kind of person am i? why can't i just be satisfied? why can't i just enjoy this time with my husband, just the two of us before things change? then, i'm mad at myself and really dislike the kind of person i am at that moment.
as if that's not enough,then comes the flood of questions, thoughts and fears of becoming a new mother and all the responsibility that comes along. i pray that i will be a nurturing, loving, PATIENT, God-seeking parent that is pleasing in His sight. that i will do my very best to raise this little one to know fully the love of Christ and what was done on the cross. that this baby will grow to never know a day without Jesus as his/her Savior. i pray for this wisdom but at times feel so incapable of being that mother. yet, i know His grace is sufficient for even someone like me.
just the other night, i had russ read me some verses because all these thoughts were going through my mind. this one came up and i constantly remind myself of this truth...

do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
philippians 4:6-7

i can't help but think of how faithful God has been throughout this whole process. even through all my fears and doubts, he has remained faithful to me. to thinking i was definitely going to have a c-section due to baby being breeched at 34 weeks and praying that the baby would turn and now being term with baby head down (turned around 35 weeks). always wishing i had more faith...
i still do realize that yes, i could still have a c-section for whatever reason and that things might not go as planned but God has and continues to show Himself to me in His timing.
so for now, i will continue to wait and continue to pray for a grateful heart. i hope i can take in these last few weeks (if baby doesn't come any earlier)and just enjoy this time and the time i have with just my husband and me. i know this time is so precious and i hate that i haven't enjoyed it more. i need to slow down and appreciate whats going on (like the fact that we are able to do construction and even as i type, they are about to finish up the bathroom). i still get a little envious of moms-to-be who have it all done; the nursery complete, the house spic and span, everything organized, thank yous done, check-list finished and just waiting and there really such a thing??? does all that really matter??
i kind-of laugh thinking about that now...
i am so so very excited about meeting our little one soon. just the thought of holding my baby for the very first time and kissing those little cheeks and holding it close brings many great emotions. and just at the right time, my friend emailed me this video that i watched this morning. believe me when i say it was just what i needed to see. whether you're a mom, mom-to-be or desire to be one day, this video is awesome. a few tears were shed...
please watch...very encouraging

so, this video is huge on here but i really have no clue how to load it otherwise. oh well, it works...sorry so big!

Thursday, October 28, 2010

better than a babymoon

i always hear of parents-to-be going on a "baby-moon" and i told russ (probably sometime in my second trimester) that we should go on one. he really had no clue what i was talking about so i had to fill him in. he wasn't so sure about all of it but i was thinking of places we could go before baby comes. well....we have been so busy with house renovations, work and who knows what else that time has just been slipping away like crazy (whatever happened to september...and now almost november)???? anyway, all that to say, the "baby-moon" planning was looking pretty dim for us seeing how busy things were/are right now ( i know, sad...too busy to take a break from "life" before things forever change).
but, then we realized we could make a very special wedding up in asheville! we had to wait because i would be just over 36 weeks and we wanted to make sure my doctor thought it was alright. so, he gave the ok and off we went. perfect place and time of year to go before baby and we were so excited to see many of our greenwood friends! we had such a fun time. the bride/groom planned a whole weekend (thursday through sunday) of events and although it was pretty busy and hectic at times, it was well worth it. so, maybe not so much a baby-moon after all but we would have gone anyway just to take part in the wedding and see everyone. it was beautiful, the leaves were changing, the weather was great, the food was delish and the company was fabulous!

friday night in downtown asheville waiting to eat

fun group of friends

on saturday, we went to sky top apple orchard with everyone. we didn't pick any apples but russ and i did get a pumpkin that hopefully we will carve before halloween.
they had so many delicious looking apples...

and lots of pumpkins...

sunday was the big day...

my friend tia and i...we were just like family sitting in the second row...oops!

with the newlyweds

now we're back and here come all the emotions and feelings and melt-downs again...i have to keep reminding myself that i am normal, this is normal...just a part of the whole pregnancy thing. hopefully, construction will be done within next few days and i can have my house back! can't believe my baby will be here in a few short weeks. i am praying that this little one will wait until around my due date and not any earlier but then again, this is out of my control. what i really need to be praying is that i will remain thankful for what the Lord has done/is doing...i pray for a thankful heart at all times (this is for another post, another day).

"oh, give thanks to the Lord, for He is good! For His mercy endures forever"
Psalm 118:29

Monday, October 4, 2010

pregnancy highlights

i didn't think i would blog much on my pregnancy but i have seen some of these posts on different blogs and thought i would do one for the fun of it. why not...i'm already 33 weeks!! so, here goes:

how far
: 33 weeks and 3 days

size of baby: last week i had my first ultrasound since 18 weighed 4lbs and 3 ozs!

total weight gain/loss: lets just say no weight loss here...

maternity clothes: even these are not always comfortable...still loving workout/bum clothes...what i wear 99% of the time

: i usually just feel the baby move at night, when i'm lying still. baby moves like crazy during this time and i can't tell between kicks and punches/etc right now

sleep: only a few hours a night usually waking up feeling exhausted. really ready for some good sleep...might be too late for that :(

: reflux and my third trimester came hand-in-hand. tums is now my must have before i go to bed

what i miss: aerobics, sleeping on my stomach, being able to bend over normally and put my shoes/socks on

: ice, sweet tea

best moment this week
: we'll go back to last week when i had my u/s and saw my baby's face...seeing those chubby cheeks melts my heart already! and i'll add the two baby showers this past weekend given by wonderful family and friends....leaves me feeling so blessed

what i am looking forward to
: meeting my little one and knowing this little surprise (boy or girl) was well worth the wait!!!!